- J - <https://carijenkins-wordpress-com.cdn.ampproject.org/c/s/carijenkins.wordpress.com/2011/04/07/outside-an-inside-joke-the-art-of-inclusion/amp/> - "As I seek to be a person of inclusion I’ve learned there are behaviors that I posses which exclude. It wasn’t until I started to pay attention to my behavior that I started to learn how to become a person of inclusion." - "Here are a few things I’ve learned: - "1. When talking to a group of people, share stories that everyone can relate or explain the stories where one or more is left out. - "2. When wanting to create an inclusive conversation, seat yourself to be able to see each person in the group. When your back is to someone, you are unknowingly telling them that they don’t belong. - "3. Ask questions of each person present. - "4. Notice that people who get cut off because they are soft spoken or not as quick to share, speak their name and invite them to share." - "5. Don’t make assumptions. If you are unsure is someone is following the conversation, pause it, and ask them if they know what it is you are talking about. - "6. When introducing people to one another, always speak about why you’d like to connect the two individuals. - "7. Be cautious when inviting people to a function in front of people who are not invited. If it is inevitable that you’d have to invite someone in front of someone not invited, make sure that the purpose of the event is stated in the invitation. Giving purpose, gives context and it helps the person not being invited to understand why they too didn’t receive an invitation. - "9. Use language everyone understands or explain what is misunderstood. Be an interpreter! - "10. Be generous with your attitude towards others. Ask that your vision be expanded to become more inclusive." - "What are ways you’ve learned to help people know that they belong or are wanted? Do you think we need to be cautious of our language for the sake of others?" - [The Dos and Don'ts of Meeting Your Boyfriend's Ex | Glamour - glamour.com](https://www.glamour.com/story/the-dos-and-donts-of-meeting-y) - "Visualize a nice, calm conversation where you are radiant, confident, and better than her. Not that it's about being better than her but…we all know it's kind of about that. Visualize a nice, calm conversation where you are radiant, confident, and better than her." - " Not that it's about being better than her but…we all know it's kind of about that. Visualize a nice, calm conversation where you are radiant, confident, and better than her." - [John & Julie Gottman ON: Dating, Finding The Perfect Partner & Maintaining A Healthy Relationship](https://www.stitcher.com/s?eid=78081847&refid=asa) - What's your ideal dream here about this? - Is there an underlying purpose or life meaning for you? - Are there ethics, values, or guidelines who are part of your position on this? - Why is this so important to you - Is there a childhood history or background tied to this? - [10 Questions Happy Couples Are Constantly Asking One Another](https://www.gottman.com/blog/10-questions-happy-couples-constantly-asking-one-another/) - List your three biggest needs, and how can I fulfill them? - What kinds of things do I do that annoy you, and what kinds of behaviors do you think I should stop or modify - Does anything keep you awake at night that you haven’t shared with me? - Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing but haven’t yet? - What’s prevented you from doing this? - What would you consider unforgivable and why? - Positive gossip - [Have You Heard? The Surprising Benefits of Good Goosip](https://youtu.be/uyg62SOdp0Q) - Never triangulate - an unrelated third party needlessly brought into an argument - Dont get in the middle of others conflict - Share stories that make others look good and feel good - Never share confidential information with unless someone's safety involved - Never share an opinion that you wouldn't share with others - When others try to bring you in sat I like you and I don't talk that way about others - Conversational Reframe [Train your brain to bring artful reframes instantly to mind, so you can help others change perspective - while avoiding the 'arguing trap'!](https://www.unk.com/blog/conversational-reframing-course-open/?utm_source=&utm_medium=email&utm_term=link2&utm_content=reframeyourself&utm_campaign=EvergreenConversationalReframingDF&cam=b%40sketchee.com) - Connect with the listeners current reality (rather than the your own) - Be delivered at the right time (this is such an important factor, but rarely discussed). - Present a new reality that is just as acceptable, but makes them feel good instead of bad. - Present a new reality that is so much more compelling than the old, more restricted way of perceiving their reality. - Change the way the client feels, not just the way they think. This is a subtle point that is often missed when so called “cognitive reframing” is used. - Apology: (1) Identify your victim (2) Express remorse (3) Make Restitution - (Freakonomics - How to Optimize your Apology 353) - Relationship Mantra: Full Force Support - RESPECT <https://www.thebalancecareers.com/how-to-demonstrate-respect-in-the-workplace-1919376> - Encourage others to express opinions and ideas - Listen before expressing your views - Use people's idea. - Let them know you used their idea - Encourage them to implement the idea - Avoid insults, name calling, put downs - Avoid nit-picking, criticism, judgement, patronising. - Trivial actions add up - Body language, ton of voice, demeanor, and expression. - Demonstrate knowlege and awareness - Treat people the same. Be consistent - Include them or provide an equal opportunity for particpation - How can I best participate - Dating - Dating profile tips: [https://captainawkward.com/2018/04/02/1094-how-do-i-answer-the-what-are-you-looking-for-in-a-relationship-question-when-im-not-sure-i-know/](https://captainawkward.com/2018/04/02/1094-how-do-i-answer-the-what-are-you-looking-for-in-a-relationship-question-when-im-not-sure-i-know/) - "If a guy is making you feel absolutely insane, you should step away." - "if a guy is making you feel like you’re insane, he’s probably not the one" - <https://verilymag.com/2015/11/hes-not-that-into-you-dating-relationships-advice> - Go slowly - <https://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/steps-when-confused-about-relationship/> - one date at a time - "If it’s less than a year, then it’s too early to start meshing your finances, children, and furniture." - "t’s far better to take your time and really get to know him before you dig into his life " - Trust your gut - Talk about yhow you feel - Listen to what he says - Dating a Moody Person - <https://www.theadventurouswriter.com/quipstipsrelationships/coping-with-a-moody-and-unpredictable-boyfriend/> - Offer support. Don't try to heal him - Avoid trying to solve his problems - Stay connected with who you are - Give him some breathing space - <https://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/are-you-forcing-your-feelings-for-someone/> - "Don’t beat Yourself up About It" - "Get Clear on why the Feelings Aren’t Happening" - "Explore Why you Think you Should Force your Feelings" - Reading mixed signals - <https://fearlessmen.com/reading-mixed-signals-from-women/> - Option 1: 1. Ask her to be honest/open/forward with you. - OPtion 2: Leave it alone. - Only options. Talk talk talk. - Don’t read into it too much. - Talk about it. - Savvy Psychologist 187 - Healthy - Have a good time doing it! - Lack of emotional drama - Be each other's biggest fans - Help each other in tough times - Like and respect as well as love - Observe relationships of people you trust - Watch relationships you want to model - Nondefensive owning of small mistakes and make it right - Step up when the other is having a tough week - Talk each other up. Have pride in other's success - Think about what you need - "Stop painting red flags green" - Checklist: What kind of person and how they treat you. - Fair and trustwrthy. - Reliability. - Respect boundaries when you state what you're willing to do - Ignore chemistry, consciously choose something healthier - Notice what you like - Be aware of the rush of chemistry - [Is It Better to Ask for a Date or Wait to Be Asked?](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201803/is-it-better-ask-date-or-wait-be-asked) - if you do the asking - Try being curious about the other person to reduce anxiety. - Find a comfortable way to break the ice and have a good conversation. - Learn when and how to be rewarding. - If you are waiting to be asked, here are some tips for you as well: - Pay attention to the various ways you can be most attractive and appealing to potential partners. - Learn how to get the attention of potential partners too. - Find ways to flirt and use your body language for maximum effect as well. - Consider whether to play hard-to-get at times. - If your potential partner is speaking to you, but still has not asked you out, you can always indirectly ask for a date too. - Find a way to ask for the date persuasively. - If you are still shy or nervous, there are ways to indirectly ask for a date too. - RELATIONSHIPS - "Watch the signs, assess them early on, and don’t take reality and the other person’s free choice as rejection." Ellie Tesher - `"Don’t fantasize or fear a relationship. Instead, watch the signals, assess, and be realistic." Ellie Tesher - <https://gretchenrubin.com/2016/11/7-tips-happy-thanksgiving-difficult-relatives> - THink about how you want to behave - Anticipate challenges - Focus on wha t you want - Choose topics carefully - Don't bring up problems - Don't drink too much - Don't get overly full - "No more for me, thanks - "Gonna skip dessert" - Be thankful - You can’t do anything to change what your difficult relatives are going to do; you can only change yourself. - <https://gretchenrubin.com/2011/01/six-questions-to-help-you-keep-your-cool-instead-of-losing-your-temper> - Am I at fault - Will this solve anything? - Snapping won't make a different - Am I improving this situation - Shoul dI be helping? - Am I uncomfrtable? - Can I make a joke? - <https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/health-fitness/mental-health/how-to-be-more-patient-and-less-annoyed> - 1 My goals will still be achieved - 2. Imagine what you need in your memories - Ask yourself - what is this teaching me? - Ignore people who consider my core strengths as a weakness - It's a good enough decision (Don't have to make perfect decisions) - Unconditional positive regard. I don't agree with every choice, and I still hold you in unconditional positive regard - Good enough is good enough - “it’s not as impossible as you fear.” - I find satisfaction in giving calm, dry responses to rude messages. - SELF ENCOURAGEMENT/SELF VALIDATION - I like how I X - I'll ask friends and family who might have answers - It's okay to struggle and I'll still try - X and Y are my options that I'll be okay with - My behavior makes me feel X - I describe my problem as X - X is what frustrates me about this - It is not helpful right now to a) blame; b) question my reaction; c) find unsolicited advice; d) pity; e) psychoanalyze - I trust my emotions - EFFECTIVE PRAISE - I love to see X - Describe - I feel X when I see Y. I think if we A, then we can B - GOOD ADVICE - Do one thing every day that can't be undone - I will expect to feel some remorse and regret - If I make a mistake, I will take responsibility immediately - Bloom where I'm planted - Novelty makes me happier - Be a tourist in your own town - RESPECT - “That’s interesting–tell me more about why you see it that way” or “Here’s what led me to think X instead–what do you think about that?” - A chance to hear someone out/something different/something new is a real treat! - I can agree to agree and it's okay if other people aren't able to. - HOW TO AVOID TWISTED THINKING - I embrace the grey, compromise and find middle ground along a spectrum and coninuum - I don't think it's All or Nothing - I stay specific and focus on the present - I don't think always, never or overgeneralize - I identify and appreciate the positives - I don't see only the negative or make the postiives invisible - Positives matter to me. I delight in good things. - I don't discount the positives - I consider all alternative scenarios and facts - I don't jump to conclusions - I stay present and deescalate problems - I don't fortune tell, catastophize and evision disaster - I communicate clearly and gather input - I don't mindread or assume the worst - I see my strengths and others strengths - I don't magnify or compare unfairly - I consider the facts and evidence I base my feelings and thoughts on - I don't believe everything I feel without evidence - I think about expectations I place on my self and others and how possible they really are - I don't demand unrealistically about myself and others - I describe specific circumstances and avoid labels - I don't use unkind names for myself or others - I consider all contributing factors about myself and others - I don't solely blame myself and others - - ![[Scripts - Letting Go]]