- COMMUNICATION FORMULAS - Paraphrase back + Truth about their statement + Validate + Offer solutions + Thanks - Competence + Confidence + Risk Taking - Cons (of my pov) THEN Pros - Leadership = Impact + Self care + People enjoy working with you - Consideration + Respect + Honesty - Praise + Concern + Suggest - Compliment + Constructive Criticsm + Positive Reinforcement - Communication + Compromise + Commitment - I really appreciate that you... - I hope to express ... honesty and less fear - Acknowledge + boundary + close (Thanks for inviting me. I'm unable to attend. And leave) - Consider the opposite - BLUF = Bottom Line Up Front - POSITIVITY - Wouldn't it be great if... (insert positive goal here) - I like my sense of humor, style, drive, heart, ability to learn, X, and feel I am a positive force in the world - I choose to focus on my positive qualities - "How can we make X a positive opportunity" "What's the next step" "What can we learn from this" - Positive words - abundance/abundant decisive flexible precision - accomplished dedicated fluidity proven - accuracy devoted generous purity - adaptability dexterous genuine quality - admirable earnest graceful quintessential - adroit effervescent gracious reliable - agile elegant harmonious resilience - affirmative encompass imbue resonant - attainable enduring independence resounding - auspicious energy innovative sound - balanced envision iridescent stalwart - brilliance epiphany judicious surpass - clarity epitome laudatory tasteful - coalesce equilibrium lithe transcend - compelling esteemed loyalty transformative - confidence etiquette magnificent unfailing - conflate evocative meaningful worthiness - consistent exuberant melodious zenith - cornerstone faithful perceptive - creative far-reaching plentiful - dazzling felicity praiseworthy - "Some people see it that way." "That's one way of looking at it." "Oh!" Or "Perhaps you are right." - Truths aren’t something to fear, no matter what they turn out to be. - Considering the opposite, X - I choose to work on my website. I have to stop ruminating on the past and concentrate on the future. I set an appointment with myself to sit and draw and doodle as a form of meditation and relaxation. Just as I would with the tv. Instead of getting into bed with my computer at night, I’ll sit at my table where I’ll feel more able to work. I’m also going to meditate away from my bed and avoid watching tv in bed. Only think I’ll use the bed for is sleep. If I falter, I’ll shrug and laugh and go right back to it. I'll take tiny steps - I can control my effort and not their the outcomes - I will slow down and under react - I am a flawed human being. I make many mistakes. I can improve on almost anything I do. But even with my flaws I am a worthwhile and valuable person.” - Act as if X - I wil forgive myself for over reacting and try to initially underreact - YES I respect you as a person and I respect your idea(s) AND I will be inspired by your ideas and build on them - VALUES - “Always assume positive intent” "Give the benefit of the doubt" - I'll make a conscious effort to be agreeabe - "Living my life with positive values helps me feel good about myself and that is what matters most. It also helps to remind myself of some politicians that still get re-elected after their dirty laundry is aired in public!" - Even if some people find me boring, I feel better about myself by valuing my unique qualities and those people who also may value them." - I hope to make choices and decisions based on my goals, dreams and values =) - Courage is an important value in me - PRESENT - I improvise with what I can in the present and plan for the future - I keep present and keep moving forward - I choose to live in the present moment. - I conclude things are okay and look for evidence that it is including people's reactions. I know the future is helpful - Yes, this is the way it is; this is what it means to be human - "The goal is to find a solution that works for everyone" - Just because it's not perfect doesn't mean there isn't something good about it. - I will consider the incentives of others: - Figure out what people really care about, not what they say they care about - Incentivize them on the dimensions that are valuable to them but cheap for you to provide - Pay attention to how people respond; if their response surprises or frustrates you, learn from it and try something different - Whenever possible, create incentives that switch the frame from adversarial to cooperative - Never, ever think that people will do something just because it is the “right” thing to do - I treat people with decency to push any interaction into the cooperative frame - F it, this is my lifeand I’m okay with it, and I’m not going to worry about how people may or may not be assessing my actions.” - Ask how or why questions - Tiffany theory of ettiquette: Wrap gifts - A relaxed attitude can go a long way in enjoying the people close to you - There's always more where that came from - I am equal to others and they are equal to me. We're the same in most ways and differences are worth celebrating - I alone am enough - I trust the universe to give me what I need to experience - I turn problems into advantages - "I'm free from french fries" Elizabeth Craft - I'm free from being someone different than myself - I act the way I want to feel. - If take the blame when I deserve it, and people may give me the responsibility - "Everyone has flaws including me. I feel best when I remind myself not to be attached to others seeing my flaws." - Even the most popular leaders and people are not liked by everyone." - "I admire others who allow themselves to appear human and I can give this grace to myself too." - "Anxiety is the most common mental health problem in our society. I am not alone and it is okay for me to struggle with anxiety at times. Others may not admit they struggle or may cover their anxiety up with unhealthy vices. I can love myself, anxiety and all!" - I respond to the spirit of gifts - I act the way I want to feel - I notice invested interest in the interests in others - I under react to situations in the moment and make purposeful deicisions - When in doubt, have fun - Just make a choice. Everything is made up. - I'll be more brave than impressive - And this is what I want. - I listen and respond - I accept responsibility and focus on steps to get at the root of the problems - Failures lead to revelations - Mistakes lead to opportunities - POSITIVITY - I see positive outcomes from all of my actions - Stress is manageable. I manage the stress in my life in a positive, healthy way. - Everyday I focus more on the positive and less on the negative. - Rather than focus on negative things, I focus on the positive. - When I notice negative thinking in my mind, I quickly replace those thoughts with positive ones. - SELF AFFIRMATION - Being interested makes me a more interested person - I learn from things instead of beat myself up for my actions - “I’m the one who has to lie in bed either sleeping or not sleeping. I sleep better if I follow my own compass.” - I won't miss what today has to offer - What I want to have happen is X. And the energy I'm bringing to the table is Y - I know more than I think I do - Each day is a fresh start - I focus on making possibilities into opportunites - Bad days are part of the journey to best days - I face obstacles, doubts and mistakes by working hard - I do not give up - I make things happen and not wait for them to happen on their own - When it's important to me, I'll find a way - I wake up with determination and go to bed with satisfaction - I do things now rather than wait and let them not happen. - I take actions that I will be proud of - The best way to see the future is the create it - “I am a worthy person whether or not I have the approval of others.” - “I am a person who has free will and can determine the direction of my own actions without being driven by the demand for approval.” - “I am a rational, self-determining person with inherent worth and dignity.” - - I can notice and redirect anxious and unhelpful thoughts - By asking "Is there evidence for that?" - "Is this true, how do you know this is true" - I hope to express honesty and less fear - We R who we R - I feel most confident when I'm being true to my self - I've done some amazing things like X - I'm courageous - I choose to be around supportive role models - I look forward to X - I look forward to finding out whatever happens tonight, tomorrow, this year - If I do X, I won't like me. I spend more time with me than you - I'm okay with how things are right now - I can handle whatever comes my way, There is plenty of time, and I'm getting better every day. - "I choose to be happy" - "it wouldn't be the high road if it was easy" - I'm going to catch more flies with honey than vinegar - I'm say what I'm thinking and I'm willing to risk being wrong. - I try to lead by example and I take 100% responsbility - I'm the priority in my life. - I give myself permission to… Spend one day of the weekend completely by myself without feeling guilty. - "It's important to me =)" (Casually in response to feeling defensive) - "I model the behavior I want to see in others" - I can remind others of my good intentions and face my fear - I believe in providing reassurance and want nothing in return - If I do good, people will accuse me of ulterior motives and I do good anyway - Choose the bigger life (happier podcast) - I'll give it another try. - Let's take a chance. - Necessity is the mother of invention. - I'll tackle it from a different angle. - It's an opportunity to learn something new. - When I notice negative thinking in my mind, I quickly replace those thoughts with positive ones. - I am safe and secure. - I am exactly where I belong in life. - I feel calm and relaxed. When I am calm and relaxed, I can handle any situation. - I do not stress over the things I cannot change, instead I accept them. - I accept the things that I cannot change and learn from them. - I worry less and less about the future and I no longer dwell on the past. - Excercise, sleep, and hydration give me more energy to be my most productive and happy self! - Whatever works for me is what's best for me - It's easier to change my behavior than whatever has caused it - Be Brian. - I enjoy the process. - I enjoy figuring out situations - Awareness leads to choices and those lead to change - I wear my heart on my sleeve and commit acts of emotional bravery . I focus on my specific needs, not on other's shortcomings. I try to avoid blame including judgment, anger, and accusations. I am assertive and non apologetic about my feelings - This is where I am, this is where I’m going to be for a certain amount of time. I have more control over how i think than I realize. - I practice courage and reach out, just as I would want someone I love to do - My self worth is not on the table - There is a time and place and if it doesn't happen it's just not the time. - “Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.” Brene Brown - Gift me the courage to show up and let myself be seen - I do what I would attempt to do if I knew I could not fail. I know it's worth doing even if I fail